


Soggy

by anemptymargin



Category: Mock the Week RPF
Genre: Kink Meme, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-02
Updated: 2011-06-02
Packaged: 2017-10-21 03:01:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/220163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed arrives soaked to the bone and Dara gets the task of sorting him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soggy

**Author's Note:**

> First time in the fandom, originally posted anon to the meme but I really had to decloak for this one… I’m proud of the cuteness.

“Fucking hell, fucking city. Fucking rain. Fucking cold. Fuckfuckfuck.” Ed shuddered and swore under his breath – having completely given up on his umbrella a block after leaving the pub, walking into the wall of water the weather service had called a ‘drizzle and light breeze’ and wrapped his duffle coat tighter around his body. It had started off a decent enough day, doing some press and then a print interview which naturally led to a few drinks at the pub with the interviewer as they stared out at the impeding storm. The rain had left him effectively blind between hard wet gusts, but he knew the route… it wasn’t like it had been far between the pub and Dara’s house… he’d walked it pissed in the small hours of the morning rather successfully more times than he honestly cared to admit to.

A minicab sped past, tapping the horn as though to say something stupid like; “Hey buddy, it’s raining – you really should take a taxi.”

“I don’t need a fucking taxi!” He shouted, watching the red lights disappear into another burst of rain. Muttering under his breath about the nerve of fucking cabbies, he took off his glasses and managed to slip them into the inner pocket of his coat, they were mostly useless anyway. Upon touching the soft inner lining, he realized he’d somehow managed to get soaked clear through - his clothing rather fabulously plastered to his body. “I fucking hate this fucking city.”

The swearing was helping, actually it took his mind off things like how cold he was, that his hair was plastered against his neck and cheeks quite annoyingly, and how it would probably be a good idea to get a cab even if was only a few more blocks. By the time he stood at his friend’s door, knocking and ringing the bell (and only briefly considering shouting for him to shift his arse a wee bit faster than the speed of government) he was relatively certain he looked as pathetic as a half-drowned kitten.

The look on Dara’s face made it seem more like a completely drowned kitten, which was sort of just sad. “Christ, Ed… get in, get in.” Dara left the door open for him, hurrying to fetch a stack of towels, “Fucking idiot…”

Ed stood quietly just inside the vestibule, dripping wet and quite well beyond soggy. As he heard Dara’s quick steps thundering on the stairs he stripped off his wool coat, fumbling to remove his glasses, mobile and keys from the pockets with shaking hands before letting it hit the floor with a wet smack.

“Trying to contract hypothermia?” Dara shouted down the stairs, the words barely registering as Ed wrapped his arms tight around his wet chest – his white shirt gone translucent and clinging to his vest – attempting to find some shred of body heat to no avail.

“It wasn’t so bad when I left the pub.” He sighed, his voice weak. “Fucking wind, breezy and light drizzle can suck my testicles.”

“Shh…” Dara shushed him as he hit the landing with a stack of towels. “Let’s just get you dry first. Take your trousers off.”

“Oh, Dara… moving a wee bit quick now, aren’t we?” He grinned only to have a towel pitched over his head and the other man’s hands tugging at his belt. “I mean, I don’t mind…”

“How much did you drink earlier?” Dara sighed, managing open the belt and zip only to have the soggy layers of clothing bunched up on dripping trainers.

Lacking the energy or desire to fight, Ed kicked off his shoes and stepped out of the wet clothing, attempting to unbutton his shirt as Dara vigorously toweled his legs. “Fucking buttons. I’m useless.” He groaned, tugging at the bottom button enough to stretch the silk blend. “Fucking hands won’t stop shaking.”

“Because swearing at them helps.” Dara chuckled, still crouched down and finishing the back of Ed’s slender calves. With a groan, he reached up and made quick work of the bottom most buttons. “Serves you right, out walking when it’s pissing down like the great flood.”

“I’m fine, it was fine until I was almost here and I didn’t see the point in taking a taxi four blocks when I’m already soaked through.” He looked down, flashing a half smile as he watched Dara tug at the center buttons. “Do I get a blow-job while you’re down there?”

Dara shook his head, bemused but not particularly offended. It wasn’t like he was a stranger to Ed’s particularly unsubtle form of proposition he liked to pretend was flirting. “From this angle it’d be like gobbling a cocktail shrimp. I think I’d rather just get you warmed up the traditional way.” He forced a smile, “If you don’t mind not shivering to death in my house.”

Ed shrugged and pulled tight the fluffy towel that hung over his head, slowly working it through his hair and over his face. Bit by bit, he was actually warming up despite standing in a small pool of rainwater and wet clothing.

“You’re soaked to the bone, Byrne. It’s pathetic.” Dara muttered, stopping his progress on the shirt to tug off Ed’s socks and then push up on his feet once more. “You look like you tried to drown yourself.”

“I only had two pints.” Ed muttered from under his towel, letting it hang as Dara finished the last few buttons on his shirt and shucked it off. Without prompting, he pulled off his wet undershirt and let the towel he’d somewhat dried his hair with join it on the floor with the orgy of soggy fabrics. “I’m not drunk.”

“Just a pushy idiot.” He replied, wrapping the last towel around Ed’s naked midsection. “Think you can manage to finish while I get a blanket?”

Ed nodded, already working on wiping away as much of the water as he could. He closed his eyes a moment and swore under his breath as he finished, stepping out of the mound to dry his feet before walking out onto the carpeted runner that led into the sitting room. He actually did feel pretty stupid, in retrospect it had essentially been one of the worst ideas he’d had in ages but he knew full and well he was just the sort that would think once he started out doing something like walking to Dara’s he’d best finish it. Even if it was spectacularly stupid.

The television was on, some video game paused with the controller resting between sofa cushions mid-game apparently. “Please tell me you aren’t considering putting you bare arse on my leather couch.” Dara’s voice pulled him out of his daze.

“Oh, no… just, just standing.” He chuckled, “Waiting.”

“Right.” Dara tossed a thick afghan down on the sofa and another at his friend, who amazingly caught it. “Come on now, bundle up.”

“Are we going to cuddle together for warmth?” Ed grinned, wrapping himself in the delightfully warm blanket.

Dara rolled his eyes and sat at his usual end, gesturing for Ed to sit beside him. “You realize that potential hypothermia isn’t as much of turn on as you think it is, right?”

“I’m fine.” Ed shivered even as he curled up next to Dara and pulled the thick blanket tight around them. He nuzzled against Dara’s side, not entirely sure if he was digging for warmth or simply being close when he could readily get away with it. “Getting warm already. Fucking rain.”

Dara hooked his arm over Ed’s slender shoulders, drawing him closer with a soft sigh. “You’re hopeless, mate.” He shook his head, “I suppose I should just be pleased you’re here – even if you’re naked and shivering.”

“People would pay good money to see me in this state.” He grinned wide.

“Yeah, probably medical schools.” Dara deadpanned, following it with; “I can see it now; ‘Ed Byrne’s Nude Revue’ tagline: ‘Come Look at My Cock’.”

“In all fairness, it is magnificent.” Ed said into Dara’s shoulder. “Wanna look?”

“I’ve seen it.” Dara laughed, pushing away Ed’s hand as it advanced towards opening the blanket. “I seem to recall not fifteen minutes ago I was eye to eye with it.”

Ed groaned softly as the shivers overtook him again; “This fucking sucks.” He sighed, burying his face harder into Dara’s shoulder. He closed his eyes until it passed, looking up with a slight chuckle; “Considering you’ve had it you can hardly talk, fucking bastard.”

“So now we’re back to that, are we?”

“You’re the one who brought up my cock.” Ed shuddered against Dara’s side once more, pushing himself as close as he could.

“If you weren’t shivering I’d think that was a pitiful attempt at a chat up.” Dara chuckled and gave him a firm squeeze.

“Does pitiful and pathetic work?” Ed leaned in closer, edging up into Dara’s lap.

“Alright then, come on.” Dara sighed, pulling him up to sit fully across his lap – cradling the smaller man against his chest. “Naked wet bastard.”

“Sounds like a terrible ska band name.”

Dara chuckled, drawing a self-deprecating smile from him. “You’re warming up a bit, then?”

Ed nodded quietly, “I left my glasses in the foyer.”

“You don’t need them.”

“Can’t fucking see.”

Dara slipped his hand under the blanket, actually feeling a bit warm but not about to let on about it, and traced over the outer edge of Ed’s thigh. “You don’t need to see.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, you’re suggesting something now?”

“I’m suggesting we sort you out and get you warmed up.”

Ed smiled, about to make a cheap crack, only to feel Dara’s embrace grip him tighter. “Right… well, it’s going quite well.”

“We’re not having sex.”

“Right, right… as you wish.” Ed chuckled, closing his eyes before relaxing fully against Dara’s broad chest.

Dara shifted him easily, and then found the discarded controller and unpaused his game. Quiet as he began to warm up, Ed quite easily slipped into a light sleep leaned against his friend. It was a weird fucking night.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fictional parody in no way intended to infringe upon the rights of any individual or corporate entity. Any and all characters or celebrity personae belong to their rightful owners. Absolutely no money has or will be gained from this work. Please do not publicly link, repost or redistribute without letting me know first.


End file.
